The things we do for love . . .
The other day, I went into the boyfriend’s medicine cabinet for a Q-Tip.
How was I to know what lurked inside? What I saw would fill my nightmares for weeks . . .
- A toothbrush, toothpaste, a razor, shaving cream and a hair brush.
How could that be? Where was all the stuff? There must be product here somewhere? Distraught, I confronted him immediately? “Where is it?” I demanded. “Huh” was his simple reply. Oh, don’t play games with me, Mister – no one could live such aesthetic existence!
There were 5 – count ‘em 5 – items in his grooming repertoire. That’s just wrong!! All, I wanted was a Q-Tip - is that really asking so much?
That evening, I went home and opened my own medicine cabinet; three things immediately fell out and spilled all over the sink. I perused the supplies that keep me the natural beauty that I am -
- There we tweezers, wax, paste, hair spray, hair gel, hair relaxer, hair curler, pore strips, 7 different moisturizers, 4 toothbrushes in different stages of use - including the one I use to clean the grout behind the sink, four half-used packages of floss from dentists who over the years have held high hopes for improving my dental hygiene, mouthwash, dental picks, the head of a long ago discarded electric toothbrush (hey, I can use it for something), 3 types of toothpaste, whitener, whitener strips, anti-wrinkle crème, line reducer, astringent, toners, Witch Hazel, cotton puffs, cotton swabs, Q-Tips, hydrogen peroxide, rubbing alcohol and matches -- all used for sterilization, Band-Aids, Motrin, Tylenol, Sudafed, Imodium, Afrin, Calcium pills, Nail polish of all colors -- one in a bright shade of green (even I don’t understand that one), bottle of nail polish remover, Tums, a cough drop from the 1992 flu season, Calamine lotion, Pepto-Bismol, a prescription bottle from 1998, emery boards, toe nail clippers, finger nail clippers, a nail brush, three bottles of varying SPF sun protection, bronzer, peroxide (what was I thinking?) spray in highlights, six shades of henna, various soaps and little bottles appropriated from every hotel I’ve stayed at in the last three years, and a variety of colognes that were meant to allure, but usually simply overwhelmed (remember the 80’s and Polo?) And this is not to mention, the variety of remedies that are tucked away under the sink.
I work hard at keeping every thing this natural!! I wax, tweeze, pluck, strip, moisturize, tint, blend, blush, powder, tease, straighten, bleach, shave, spray, clip, tuck, lift, pad, etc – all in a day’s work. And he has the nerve to simply shower and go?
OMG, I hope he gets jock itch; at least it’ll add something to his medicine cabinet.